X-New York Gal

It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything and I apologize. We’re just living day to day around here, like everyone else.

Monday I had some eye surgery to get rid of floaters in my left eye, so we’ll see how that goes (no pun intended). One of the bad things about this is I can’t wear makeup. Ack! Have you ever seen a naked face? How am I supposed to go out in public or to work, no less? (And, no, I’m not posting a picture of me sans makeup! Vanity, thy name is me.

Tonight’s our going out to dinner and playing cards with Al and Dee night so I’ll be facing the public with my makeup-less face and bloodshot eye. Better keep my sunglasses on so I don’t gross everyone out.

Right now my husband’s at work so it’s pretty quiet around here – no TV going all day long. Aah, peace and quit – I love it. Smoochie Cat’s sleeping in some hidden spot and Pistol is sleeping on his bed on his back with his short little legs spread wide open. That’s a sight to behold.

The house is a mess – my excuse being I just had eye surgery. Bill’s been cooking all week, but then he usually does anyway since he doesn’t care for my cooking. He likes plain meat and potatoes stuff whereas I like something with a little more taste and less fat. Cook separate meals, you might suggest? Hell no! If I can get out of cooking, that’s fine by me.

Well, that’s my week so far. I think I need a change of scenery.

Okay, okay, okay.  It’s been a while between posts but I’m going to stop beating myself up over it.  I’ll have to get back on some type of schedule again.  Fact is, nothing exciting has been happening in my life.

I know I said I’d blog about the good old days when I worked in NYC so I’ll start going through my memory bank and see what I can conjure up.

Right now I’m sitting here with Smoochie Cat on my lap so I’m trying to type while looking over the cat’s head and with my arms on either side of him.  There’s something about me sitting in front of the computer that makes him decide to demand attention.

Bill is napping and I’m waiting for him  to rest up after a days work, shower, dress and take me to dinner.  Our friends, Al and Dee, haven’t gotten back from their vacation yet.  It’s been about 5 weeks now.  We usually go out to dinner with them on Friday nights, then play cards. (Yes, that’s what seniors do for excitement!)

God!  Seniors!  I certainly don’t feel that old.  In my mind I’m still in my 20’s or 30’s.  Just wish the old body looked like that of a 20 or 30 year old.  Hell, I’d settle for 40.  I used to love looking in the mirror or having my picture taken but that’s changed.  I’m not as photogenic as I used to be.

I know I’m kind of rambling but I really hadn’t planned out what I was going to write about.  I figured I’d better just write about something to let you all know I’m still kicking!

Getting along

I’m sitting here at the computer watching the clouds roll in.  Maybe we’re in for some rain. I love rain!  Down here in Florida we’ve just gone about six months with a very minimal amount of rain.  Now that we’re in May, rainy season is about to start.  The grass is finally turning green after half a year of being brown and prone to catching fire. 

But even that’s a big disappointment to a rain-lover.  The clouds open up, pouring down torrents of water; lightning zigzags across the sky and hits all around us; and the thunder has The Smooch and Pistol running for cover – BUT it lasts for only a half hour or so if we’re lucky.  Then the sun returns and we’re back to the temperatures of hell.

Okay, so I'm cheating a little. This was taken after Hurricane Wilma.

I remember the days back in New York when it would rain for days on end.  I loved watching the rain beat against the windows while I felt all cozy inside the house.  I especially loved the chilly rains of October and November.  Throw in a little sleet and I was in my glory.  This was the time for cooking soup and letting the pot simmer on the stove for hours while I sat with my feet up reading a book.  Do I ever miss New York rain!

Right now the rain is ticking against my window and the palm trees outside are gracefully swaying in some kind of dance.  But I’ve barely blinked and there’s a patch of blue and it’s getting wider and wider.  The sun is now back in full force and it’ll be unbearably hot once more.

So I guess I’ll be spending most of my day playing around on the computer or reading a book.  But it’s just not the same.

1. Planning the trip – I like sitting around making up lists, then crossing off items as

they get done.

2. Getting away from home and into the fresh air – a change of scenery is always nice.

3. Husband does most of the cooking since grilling is man’s work – besides I’m afraid of the grill and getting burned. My husband handles pain better than I do.

4. Being with our friends and playing cards every night – maybe this’ll be the night the girls win. It’s not that the guys are better players – they’re not – it’s just that they get all the right cards. That’s called luck!

5. Biking and walking around looking at other people’s campers and sites- let’s face it, I’m a bit of a voyeur.

Cute, but hazardous!

1. Cleaning the camper before heading out – you know, vacuuming, dusting and

helping husband with the power washing. He washes and I hose it off.

2. Loading the camper – Going up and down the damn steps a countless number of times with full loads. Good exercise, though. Builds up those arm and leg muscles.

3. Being in a cramped space with a husband, cat and dog. The cat sleeps all day so he’s not in the way, but trying to move without bumping into a husband or tripping over the dog can be tricky. Okay, I know I’m supposed to be outside enjoying nature, but that brings me to the next item.

4. Mosquitoes and other biting things – if there’s anything I hate, it’s itchy welts. Listening to whining insects around my head is a close second.

5. Unloading the camper – yup, here we go again. Up and down those steps again.

6. Cleaning the camper after getting home – and yes, we go through this whole procedure again.

Can’t wait till the next trip!

Actually, I had written up a list of things to blog about and as soon as I find the list I’ll start writing about some of those things. In the meantime, however, we did go camping with Al and Dee this past weekend. They had just bought a new trailer after a very bad accident they had with their other trailer about two years ago. So this was their maiden voyage in the new one.

Since the campground (W.P. Franklin, a Corps of Engineers Campground – and they keep these campgrounds immaculate) wasn’t too far from home, Bill and Al went back to Al’s house to get his boat since we were right on the river. So we got some boating in. In the next few days I’ll tell you what I like about camping and what I hate about it. So if anyone out there plans on going camping check this out first.

Below are a few pictures taken at the campground:

Our camp site

Our camper

Smoochie Cat's favorite spot

Look who came for dinner!

Over the years the Smooch has trained me in other ways.  For example, he’s trained me to keep him company when he eats.  He’ll head toward his food dish, stop, then look over his shoulder to see if I have enough common sense to realize he wants me to follow him.  If I don’t, he’ll wait there and stare at me as if I’m daft.  (I know, I know, you all probably think I am.  I mean who else would write about being trained by a cat?  And for those of you thinking dirty thoughts – don’t even go there!)

His favorite time to have me stand patiently and watch him eat is around 11:00 or 12:00 at night as I’m getting ready to go to bed.  He’ll follow me to the bedroom, stare at me and slowly try to lead me to his food dish in the kitchen.  Lately, though, I’ve started to assert my independence and go to bed instead.

After I’m in bed, either reading or having turned off the light, Smoochie Cat joins.  He used to make himself comfortable near my feet so that I couldn’t move.  Now before he does that he spends some time sleeping on the pillow between Bill and me so that if I roll over I have my face in his fur.

He’s also taught me to give him more room on the sofa.   My sofa is a chaise longue and I stretch out on that when watching TV.  That has also become  Smoochie’s sofa.  But instead of taking over an amount of space proportionate to his size, he stretches out across the whole thing, leaving me to hang my legs over the side.

You’re probably asking yourselves why the hell I don’t just kick him off.  Well, he’s just too darn cute!

The Smooch on his sofa

No, this is not about a new Phillipa Gregory novel; actually it’s about Smoochie Cat and me.  Whoever said cats were stupid is the one who should have his or her head examined.  Smoochie Cat is one smart cat and throughout the years has trained me well.

We won’t go into the obvious things about cleaning out litter boxes or having a bowl of food and fresh water set out before him.  That’s normal protocol.  I mean actual training where I have learned to read his body language and the various nuances in his meows.

                                                            HIS MAJESTY 

Ever since he was a kitten he started my training.  He would leap on to the kitchen table (where he wasn’t allowed – and he knew that all too well) and would wait for me to start yelling at him.  He’d stand there staring at me until I got up off the sofa then he’d bolt and I would chase him. I caught him once or twice and either took a swat at him or grabbed him and threw him in the bathroom for a timeout.  He learned pretty quickly to evade capture and would then run under the table and chairs where I couldn’t reach him.  This, of course, became a game for him so every time I sat down on the sofa he’d hop back up on the table.  This went on and on until one of us (usually me) tired of the game.

Then I figured since I couldn’t catch him I’d buy a water pistol and squirt him with it when he’d escape under the table.  Well, believe it or not, this cat loved the water pistol.  I’d squirt him, he’d drink the water I squirted, then tap the pistol for more.  Oka-a-a-y, so that didn’t work.  I finally gave up trying to chase him (actually I couldn’t deal with the stress anymore) and he eventually tired of the game and stayed off the kitchen table.

Then, one day while I was running the bathroom faucet, he decided he wanted to drink from it and, like a fool, I let him.  To this day, the little bastard still wants water from the faucet. His water dish is his absolute last resort.  He’ll head toward the bathroom door, peering over his shoulder at me every few steps.  (This, I found out means, “well what are you waiting for, let’s move it!” in cat talk.)  If I don’t follow him immediately into the bathroom he’ll jump up on the vanity and throw a cat tantrum.  Did you ever hear one of those?  It pretty embarrassing when we have company and he starts in.  I have to run to the bathroom and turn on the faucet in order to shut him up.  Of course, this doesn’t sit too well with my husband and sometimes I have to choose whom to obey.  Usually Smoochie Cat wins out because he can be more disruptive than Bill.

To be continued . . .

So how’s everyone doing out there, considering the economy? Not too bad, I hope.

Me? I’m just waiting to see what happens to my million dollar bonus this year. Will they take it back or give the IRS 90% of it?

OMG, what will that do to my lifestyle? I may have to trade in my Maybach limo for a mere Mercedes and, oh horrors, give up my private jet and travel commercial to my homes in Europe and the Caribbean. Though, I guess I’ll keep my estate on Long Island’s Gold Coast but I may have to cut down some on the staff. I think two gardeners and three maids should be able to handle things quite nicely when I’m not around.

Downsizing my 10,000 square foot Gulf front Southwest Florida home is out of the question since I spend most of the year there, but maybe I’ll give up the yacht since boating makes me seasick anyway.

But no matter what – I’ll still have a helluva lot more than you little people out there. I won’t have to worry about losing my home and living under the bridge over the Caloosahatchee River, nor will I have to fight my dog for his kibbles and bits. I’ll still hang onto my Lamborghinis and the Maserati – after all, gas prices have dropped – so I’ll still be able to afford to drive them.

And unlike you out there, I’m not worried about losing my job. Hell, I’ve got enough Golden Parachutes, pensions and whatnot to keep me going in style for the rest of my life.

Best of all, the Government can’t get its hands on my Swiss Bank Accounts so with a little frugality and downsizing on my part I am set for years to come. Unlike you little people out there.

(I hope you all are aware that I’m just kidding. Makes you kinda sick to hear all this crap about AIG and others getting their bonuses from our tax dollars. I mean, if you have nothing better to do with your money send it to me!)

Well, it’s that time of year again. You know, tax time. For all you people out there getting tax refunds – goody for you. Once again Uncle Sam is digging in my pockets. Let up already, will you. Go after those with the big bucks. I’m sure there are plenty of CEOs and politicians out there who could stand a closer look.

Now my tax preparer tells me the IRS is going to go more aggressively after us little people. What the hell more do they expect to extract. Our blood? (Save that for the blood bank.) Better reserve a site under the Caloosahatchee River Bridge for me.

Uncle Sam, go where the big money is. You know – those with the expensive CPAs and attorneys on retainer who are so adept at finding tax loophole after loophole. That’s where you’re going to find your money. A couple of hundred dollars from me won’t even finance a night out for these guys.

Actually, I’m kinda surprised at the stupidity of some of these guys who are up for government positions. Didn’t they ever figure they’d finally get caught for not paying taxes year after year? I mean, they shoulda known they’d be investigated! But I guess a slap on the wrist will teach them a lesson or two. Me? If I didn’t pony up, I’d have my ass thrown in jail for tax evasion.

Well, no one said life would be fair. But let’s face it, it’s a lot more fair for some.

I know, I know, I’ve been very remiss in posting to my blog. As I’ve said before, I get lazy. My brothers have mentioned to our Mom that I haven’t written anything lately so I guess it’s about time I do.

So . . . Last weekend Bill and I, along with our menagerie of one cat and one dog, took our RV over to the east coast of Florida. I have a girlfriend (dating back to the 1970s when we worked together) who lives over in Boca Raton and she invited us over for a barbecue. Also at the barbecue was another gal we worked with at the time and who I haven’t seen in about 20 years. (It’s amazing how we never seem to age!)

We left the west coast on a beautiful sunny morning. Pistol, our Shi Tzu, was a very good traveler. He lay down in one spot and hardly moved. Smoochie Cat, on the other hand, is not the best of travelers. We can’t put him in a pet carrier because his yowling would be enough for Bill to either dump him alongside the road or run the RV into a tree. Therefore the only way to get him to shut up is to put him on my lap where he’ll stay for awhile, at least until my circulation stops and my legs get numb. After that he lay on the floor near the dog for awhile or slept on the couch. So the trip east wasn’t as eventful as it could have been.

By the time we got to the other side the sun was gone and in its place were heavy gray rain clouds. We picked up the rental car (we don’t have a tow bar yet) and headed over to the campground. We pulled in and I looked around.

This is it? I thought. Kinda small and all the RVs seemed pretty close together. One of them had a cage outside of it with two very big dogs. Oh no, don’t put us next to that one.

No one was in the office and a sign on the door stated they’d be back at 1:00. Great. That gave us a half hour in which to wait around. We walked the dog and explored the club house which had sort of an indoor pool, a laundry room and even a kitchen. Okay, it looked clean enough. Eventually the manager returned and placed us on a site that was actually pretty decent. We could look out the windows without anyone staring back at us and had nothing behind us except a fence. However, behind that fence was a daycare center. Nothing like the sound of laughter and shrieking of little kids.

During the night it poured and the wind kicked up. Of course, the barbecue was scheduled for later that afternoon. We hung out in the RV until it was time to leave because Bill wasn’t feeling all that well. This meant tripping over or stepping on the dog all day. At least the cat slept on the bed most of the time so he wasn’t underfoot. Before we left, I asked Bill to take down the awning because of the high wind gusts.

Naturally, it rained on the trip to my girlfriend’s condo and also after we got there (and when we left). Actually, this was reminiscent of the Fourth of July BBQ she had the year before last. It poured then, too.

But in spite of the weather we had a great time talking about old times, the people we knew and catching up with each others‘ lives. And, no, we haven’t aged a bit.