X-New York Gal

posted by Evi on Nov 22

Like the time about 10 years ago my stepfather picked me up at the airport and smuggled me into the house then called her into the kitchen. The poor woman just stood there, stunned. She said that for a moment she couldn’t remember where she was.

Or the time my brother, Bob, came to visit for Thanksgiving two years ago. My poor Mom had no clue. I stopped at her house one day for a visit. A few minutes later there was a knock on her door and a “maintenance man” told her my car was in the way and had to be removed. After giving her a hard time, he finally took off his hat and sunglasses and revealed himself to be . . . my brother. Boy, was she surprised!

They tried to get me the following year, but every time they passed my house I was outside so that kind of fell flat.

This year my mother knew Bob was coming for Thanksgiving but didn’t realize he’d be here two weeks before so he and I planned another surprise. I called her and told her I was stopping by and asked if she’d go to the clubhouse with me because my friend, Dee, who lives in my Mom’s community dropped off one of my books there by mistake. I didn’t know the title but would know it when I saw it.

My brother followed me over to their clubhouse and parked around the corner. By the time Mom and I got there he was already seated, bare feet up on a table, wearing dark sunglasses and a hat and reading a book which hid his face. She and I started to walk over to the book section when she saw the feet and commented rather loudly, “look at that man with the dirty feet up on the table.”

“Shhh. He’ll hear you.” Me.

“I want him to hear me.” Mom.

“Why, do you want to lick my feet?” asked the Strange man.

She didn’t hear that remark, so I repeated it for her.

“Pervert!” Mom.

I walked over to the books with Mom nervously following me. Suddenly the man slammed the books on the table and made a loud, rude comment. At this point my mother didn’t know what to make of this. I’m looking at the books trying to find “my” book with Mom standing near me. The strange man strides over and puts his arm around me.

“My, you’re a pretty one, aren‘t you?” Strange man.

My mother just stood there. Finally the Strange Man turned around, took off his glasses and hat and revealed himself as . . . my brother. It took Mom a second to get her bearings, then they were in each others arms. Gotcha! The three of us then began laughing hysterically. The other people in the clubhouse probably thought we were nuts.

“Ma, why didn’t you try to protect me? You could have hit him with a cue stick.” (The books are right by the pool table.)

“I was waiting to see what he’d do next.” Mom.

“Like when he has me on the floor naked trying to rape me?” Me.

She didn’t have an answer and she probably won’t hear the end of that one for a while.

In the meantime, we’re all having a nice visit and seeing the sights.