posted by Evi on Apr 19
So how’s everyone doing out there, considering the economy? Not too bad, I hope.
Me? I’m just waiting to see what happens to my million dollar bonus this year. Will they take it back or give the IRS 90% of it?
OMG, what will that do to my lifestyle? I may have to trade in my Maybach limo for a mere Mercedes and, oh horrors, give up my private jet and travel commercial to my homes in Europe and the Caribbean. Though, I guess I’ll keep my estate on Long Island’s Gold Coast but I may have to cut down some on the staff. I think two gardeners and three maids should be able to handle things quite nicely when I’m not around.
Downsizing my 10,000 square foot Gulf front Southwest Florida home is out of the question since I spend most of the year there, but maybe I’ll give up the yacht since boating makes me seasick anyway.
But no matter what – I’ll still have a helluva lot more than you little people out there. I won’t have to worry about losing my home and living under the bridge over the Caloosahatchee River, nor will I have to fight my dog for his kibbles and bits. I’ll still hang onto my Lamborghinis and the Maserati – after all, gas prices have dropped – so I’ll still be able to afford to drive them.
And unlike you out there, I’m not worried about losing my job. Hell, I’ve got enough Golden Parachutes, pensions and whatnot to keep me going in style for the rest of my life.
Best of all, the Government can’t get its hands on my Swiss Bank Accounts so with a little frugality and downsizing on my part I am set for years to come. Unlike you little people out there.
(I hope you all are aware that I’m just kidding. Makes you kinda sick to hear all this crap about AIG and others getting their bonuses from our tax dollars. I mean, if you have nothing better to do with your money send it to me!)
posted by Evi on Apr 4
Well, it’s that time of year again. You know, tax time. For all you people out there getting tax refunds – goody for you. Once again Uncle Sam is digging in my pockets. Let up already, will you. Go after those with the big bucks. I’m sure there are plenty of CEOs and politicians out there who could stand a closer look.
Now my tax preparer tells me the IRS is going to go more aggressively after us little people. What the hell more do they expect to extract. Our blood? (Save that for the blood bank.) Better reserve a site under the Caloosahatchee River Bridge for me.
Uncle Sam, go where the big money is. You know – those with the expensive CPAs and attorneys on retainer who are so adept at finding tax loophole after loophole. That’s where you’re going to find your money. A couple of hundred dollars from me won’t even finance a night out for these guys.
Actually, I’m kinda surprised at the stupidity of some of these guys who are up for government positions. Didn’t they ever figure they’d finally get caught for not paying taxes year after year? I mean, they shoulda known they’d be investigated! But I guess a slap on the wrist will teach them a lesson or two. Me? If I didn’t pony up, I’d have my ass thrown in jail for tax evasion.
Well, no one said life would be fair. But let’s face it, it’s a lot more fair for some.
posted by Evi on Jan 27
What I can’t understand is why there has to be so much blood, guts and gore on TV, in the movies and on video games these days. Do people actually find this entertaining? I can’t even watch a commercial for any of this stuff without covering my eyes.
Is this the kind of crap people want their children to watch? No wonder kids these days are becoming so desensitized to this junk that murdering one’s parents is just another video game to them. Listen up! You kill ‘em, they ain’t coming back and jail isn‘t a happy place.
Where are the cries of outraged parents? Oh, sorry. I forgot. Most parents either don’t care what their kids do or they’re deathly afraid of them. A child brings home a bad report card and right away it’s the teacher’s fault. Neither parent nor child will accept responsibility for their own actions. Hell, let’s blame it on someone else!
Discipline and good values have become a thing of the past. God forbid you smack your child for misbehaving. Why, your ass could end up in jail. Yell at them? Nah, that’s mental abuse. I mean, really, kids actually learn this stuff in schools. Luckily, I never had children. They probably would have been taken away from me and placed in foster care.
Teen pregnancies? Okay, there were some when I was in high school back in the dark ages. But nowadays movies, TV and pop tartlets make teen pregnancy and motherhood something glamorous to aspire to. No more playing dolls. Let’s have real babies instead. And many of those real babies end up having their own real babies before they’re out of their teens. More business for the Welfare Department.
So come on Moms and Dads. Pay some attention to the crap your kids are being exposed to and the messages being sent. Is this really what you want for your children?
posted by Evi on Oct 31
Would you leave him in a locked car in the hot Florida sun?
Well, you would be surprised how many people actually do. If there is one thing that really pisses me off, it’s people who leave their pets locked in the car while they go shopping or out to eat. Oh sure, they left the window open about an inch. Like that’ll bring the temperature down!
Do they have any idea how fast the car heats up to over 100 degrees? These people probably wouldn’t have any compunctions about leaving a baby in the car. And why in the world would they bring a pet to the supermarket or restaurant in the first place?
If one needs to bring his or her pet with them, at least have the decency to leave the air conditioner running. Sure, it might use up some gas but I think that’s preferable to killing your pet.
I’m not normally a confrontational person, but don’t let me catch someone leaving a pet in a hot, closed up car. I’ll have him or her paged in the supermarket or restaurant and I have been known to confront and embarrass these inconsiderate people in public.
Just once, I’d like that pet owner to sit in the car with the windows rolled up while parked in the sun and see how long he can stand it.
So to those pet owners please, please, please put yourself in your defenseless pet’s place and think about how you would like to be locked up in the car.
posted by Evi on Oct 19
Hey, since when did car manufacturers stop making vehicles with directional signals? Am I missing something? I don’t know if it’s just down here in the South or if it’s a nationwide thing. But then, many of the folks down in Florida are usually from somewhere else and that somewhere else is usually from up North.
There’s nothing like blissfully driving along, admiring the scenery and window shopping when suddenly the car in front of you stops dead to make a turn. Did that driver signal first? Nope. Just stopped. In the middle of the road. Just like that.
If you’re the type of person who gets his rocks off riding bumpers, one of these days you’re likely to be in for an unpleasant intimate encounter.
Another favorite of mine, is the driver with a cell phone stuck to his or her ear, happily chatting away. These folks really make me nervous. When stopping for a traffic signal I make a bet with myself as to how long it takes them to notice I’m stopped and how close they can get to my bumper before actually hitting my car.
Cell phone drivers also have a tendency to crawl about 30 mph below the speed limit and swerve back and forth from lane to lane. Don’t like driving next to them, no sir.
So, please guys and gals – and you know who you are – show a little consideration when driving. Signal your intent and save the phone calls for when your feet are on the ground
posted by Evi on Oct 11
Don’t you just love those e-mails you get from well-meaning friends; the ones that bestow blessings and all sorts of wonderful and miraculous things upon you? They go on and on about true friendship or how God loves you, blessings to come your way and what good luck you’re going to have now and forever. How nice, you think. Well that was very thoughtful of (fill in name of friend). Then you get to the end of the e-mail. . .
‘Please forward this e-mail to 20 of your closest friends within the next 5 minutes and all your wishes will come true, you’ll find the love of your life, millions of dollars will fall in your lap and . . . as an extra bonus you will spend all eternity in heaven . If you forward this to only 10 of your closest friends, forget about the money. What, you only have 5 close friends? Nay to the money and love, and heaven doesn’t appear to be in your near future either. But . . . if you do not forward this e-mail you are going straight to hell!’
Don’t you just love it? Makes you wonder about the friends who forward these. Did they have your best interests at heart or did they just spam everyone and anyone they could think of to save their own skins, leaving us poor recipients of these e-mails desperately searching our data base for people to forward them to.
It’s taken me years to finally have gotten to the point where I can hit delete. Okay, so maybe my eyes are closed and my finger is trembling as I’m getting closer and closer to the button. So I beg you to please, please, just do me a favor and take me off your list. I don’t want to go to hell!
